changes should control
Our being, lest we rust in ease.
We all are changed by still degrees[.]
There's no doubt at all that I changed by "still degrees" during the PhD, but my life is also in the process of changing slowly. For now, I have a balance that works for my multiple desires, but it feels very just-for-now, which keeps me itchily looking for what's next. Even though I'm not at all ready to commit to only one direction. Here's the latest:
Work
It may sound petty, but I am so ready to be earning money again. My tech editing gig has been bumped up to 20 hours a week, which is a huge surge in income compared to my student days. The trick is getting myself to do those full 20 hours in a job that doesn't require me to physically turn up very often. Part of me drools over how much I would be earning if I worked full-time, but a) it's not clear whether I'd like the job if I had to do it all the time, b) I really, really value my flexible schedule, and c) I need time in my schedule to do:
Research
This one feels like it has dropped off a lot since I got back from Cambridge, but I wonder whether that's actually the case. Even in that extra year that I spent in England after graduating, with supposedly nothing to do but research, I didn't accomplish an impressive amount. In my current life, I usually spend one afternoon (four hours) a week in the Stanford library, compiling a massive list of William Morris's off-rhymes. I'll write about that project in depth in another post, but I think it will be really cool in the end -- if I don't get bogged down in trying to be comprehensive about minutiae. (Ha!)
Rowing!
Remember that thing I used to spend a lot of my time doing? I researched local rowing clubs, and there aren't a lot of them. Both of the ones I contacted were slow to respond, but eventually I had a practice outing with each. I think I'm going to join the one that trains on a reservoir up in the hills. Among other things, it really does make a difference to be out in the fresh air someplace pretty. It's invigorating for the spirit as well as the body. But it does involve getting up at 4:00am, so I'm a bit wary of committing to doing it multiple times a week.
So that's where we stand, ladies and gents. Each week slides by with me trying to do as much as I can of work and research. I also browse job postings, trying to imagine what I might like doing as a full-time working adult. I vacillate between confidence that I'm a highly skilled, intelligent person and the depressing feeling that I'd have trouble convincing others of my value to their company. But since I'm not ready to throw in the towel with regards to research, I shall carry on with the current structure for the moment.
